The candidates (l-r) Hibah Ansary, Rhys Rosser, Kirsty Cleaver, Hannah Cherry, Adam Eliaz, Jordan De Courcy, Tim Ankers, Arjun Rajyagor, Zoe Plummer, Emma Walker
Junior Apprentice – The Final
BBC One (& HD), Thursday 10th June, 9pm
And then there were four. Alan Sugar’s mini mes have been whittled down through a process of sales tasks, tantrums and tears to the four most promising teenage tycoons in the country … who applied for the show … and don’t mind being observed by the nation as they get their teenage kicks throughout the night (and day) the old fashioned way, living and dying by the rules of ruthless capitalism.
None of them get a job. One of them, however, will get £25,000 (which they won’t be allowed immediately in case they spend it all on Liquorice Allsorts), but this competition isn’t about money, it’s about pride, and proving that the British Dream™ still exists even in austerity Britain – anyone can be a business success, even a youngster (as long as they have a production company and the boss of Amstrad behind them.)
In tonight’s final episode the gloves are off as all the original contestants return to help (or hinder) the final four in their quest to establish a new brand of bottled water. In true Apprentice style, they have to learn about the nuts and bolts of the task in the London Aquarium (how apt) whilst Sir Alan bangs on about there being a lot of water around ‘ere and the industry being worth a trillion billion pounds a year in the UK alone, or something.
I'm the lord you know?
The BBC press release elevates Alan to new heights in this show: “The teams must present their water brand to industry experts, advertising executives and the ultimate judge – Lord Sugar.” Oh, so that’s what they mean when they call him a lord … he’s the lord … it’s Alan Sugar that we all meet when we die (gulp!), and presumably that means St Peter is now redundant and the pearly gates will be guarded by Nick Hewer, Karren Brady and Margaret Mountford? Do I have to start worshipping my Amstrad e-mailer on Sunday?
So, our final four Arjun Rajyagor, Kirsty Cleaver, Tim Ankers and Zoe Plummer will face off … but who will win?
Essentially there’s two groups here … the children that look like adults and the children that still look like children … who would you rather buy a bottle of water from?
Arjun and Kirsty are smaller, cuter and could capitalise on the ‘lemonade stall’ principle to elevate their status if they play their cards carefully in front of the judges. After all, who can say no to a young child trying to impersonate an adult … especially if they have a bottle of water called “Hi-dr8″ in their hands?
On the flip side you’ve got Tim and Zoe. Tim, with his beard and windswept mop-top looks like a seasoned salesman who’s begun to fall on hard times and Zoe (the other adult-child) is a snappy power dresser who appears to take her cues from women in the film Wall Street. The problem with these two is they look the part … so you start to expect them to have the business acumen that a thirty year old should deliver … they don’t, and that’s going to cause even more confusion for Lord.
Suffice to say, this episode contains its fair share of bad decisions, squabbling and business double speak before Lord Sugar finally decrees that he is in “an almost impossible dilemma” … should he re-hire Karren Brady or try and get Margaret back for the adult series in the autumn … no, not that – he doesn’t know who to choose.
Well, he could give them all £25,000 and be done with it, he can afford it. But what would they have learned about the brutal world of business then … nothing … that’s not the way that Alan Sugar rolls.
It’s been a fun six episodes, but the problem with the format is the kids are a bit too smart … we want to see fully grown adults act like morons week in week out … ultimately, whatever that says about the way TV has gone, the level of humiliation the adult version of the show delivers will always make for more compelling TV.
Bring on the autumn.
